Q. Hi. Iâm a 30 y/o Libra gay man. Iâm the only child of a single mother (my father died when I was like 2 y/o and she never remarried). I live with her (FYI, I live in a Latin American country; people usually live with their parents until they marry), but Iâm planning to moving in with my ex-boyfriend/best friend. Hereâs my problem:
Two years ago I came out to her. She, understandably, didnât take it very well, and she told me to move out. Problem was that my BF didnât want to move out, and I didnât have the money to live by myself. Besides, my maternal grandmother was very sick then⦠so I stayed to help my mother assist her (BTW: my mother is also the only child of a single mother).
My grandmother died one year ago, and her passing, affected my mother profoundly. I being gay didnât help, of course. Not having anyone to care for (mother or grandchildren) make her lost her purpose in life. She is 62, and had to retire from work to take care of her grandmother. So coming back to the workforce is not an option.
Since then, mentally and physically she has being spiraling down. She has chronic depression, diabetes, and hypertension; sheâs also overweight, balding, and has a disabling hernia in her spine that canât be operated that forces her to use a cane and being most of the time sit down. By mere look you canât tell sheâs in her early 60s; look more like if in her late 70s.
Meanwhile, back with my ex-BF/best friend, seven months ago we rented an apartment near our workplace. He moved in first, and I was supposed to move there two months later. The problem was that I was counting on a trip I make my mother took to Canada so she can feel better about herself, more independent and healthy⦠and it turned out all the other way around: it went horribly, she came back more sicker, more depressed and feeling even more helpless. So, I didnât move out. I moved like half my belongings, but I didnât move in with him.
We work in the same place, so we spend most of the day together, and we even go to our apartment to have lunch. We took vacations together; and go out to have dinner, the movies, sit to watch TV, do the groceries, etc.
Only thing I donât do is spending the night in the apartment. Itâs located like 3 miles away from my motherâs home so, each day, I go to sleep at her house, so I can spend a few hours with her. Sometimes I took her to dinner, sometimes to the movies. But basically thatâs all the time I spend with her; that, and a few weekends. The rest of the time I either go out with my friends, study, work, or spend time with my ex-BF/best friend.
Part of my problem is that I want to live with him. He kinda understands my situation, but nevertheless is resentful that I didnât move in, and I also feel kinda guilty for not being there with him. The other part of my problem is that my mother has been adamant in her position that, if I move in with him, she will cut me off her life. And all my life I saw her cut dear and close people âeven family- like that, and I know that when she says it is for real.
She is not forcing me to stay with her. On a number of occasions, she has said to me that if I want to move out and be happy, thatâs fine. But she wonât be on my life anymore. I know she sounds though, but deep down I know that sheâs hell scared that I move out. She even told me once, when she was very sick in the hospital, that she live in a constant state of fear that I would move out.
I know that I can move out. Cutting off is her decision, not mine. But I know that I would feel terrible guilty of leaving a sick and depressed person alone. I feel like if Iâm pulling the plug on a comatose person, or pushing over the edge a suicidal, especially since there isnât anyone else to take care of her; we have always been just the two of us.
I havenât told her about the apartment, but Iâm sure she âat least- suspects something. For months she has saw me leave with a sport bag full of stuff every morning, and sheâs no idiot. I was planning to spend a few nights there, and others in her house, but I have tentatively bring in the subject and, by this point, know she wonât compromise. With her is either stay or leave. And my ex-BF/best friend is also like that.
So, running out of options, by now I feel trapped and depressed. I look miserably, and she knows that I want to get out of her. She has told me to leave several times, from a nicely âgo and be happyâ to the hurting âyou disgust me every time you go out with HIM; get out of my house! I know this is just a dorm for you!â, but always with the same colophon: âleave me here, Iâm not your problem; Iâll be fine alone. If I die, I dieâ. I just donât know what to think anymore.
Iâve also tried to get her to see someone âanyone- about her depression: her physician, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a priest, a support group⦠but her answer is always the same âthe cause of my depression is that youâre gay. And since no one is going to change th
Two years ago I came out to her. She, understandably, didnât take it very well, and she told me to move out. Problem was that my BF didnât want to move out, and I didnât have the money to live by myself. Besides, my maternal grandmother was very sick then⦠so I stayed to help my mother assist her (BTW: my mother is also the only child of a single mother).
My grandmother died one year ago, and her passing, affected my mother profoundly. I being gay didnât help, of course. Not having anyone to care for (mother or grandchildren) make her lost her purpose in life. She is 62, and had to retire from work to take care of her grandmother. So coming back to the workforce is not an option.
Since then, mentally and physically she has being spiraling down. She has chronic depression, diabetes, and hypertension; sheâs also overweight, balding, and has a disabling hernia in her spine that canât be operated that forces her to use a cane and being most of the time sit down. By mere look you canât tell sheâs in her early 60s; look more like if in her late 70s.
Meanwhile, back with my ex-BF/best friend, seven months ago we rented an apartment near our workplace. He moved in first, and I was supposed to move there two months later. The problem was that I was counting on a trip I make my mother took to Canada so she can feel better about herself, more independent and healthy⦠and it turned out all the other way around: it went horribly, she came back more sicker, more depressed and feeling even more helpless. So, I didnât move out. I moved like half my belongings, but I didnât move in with him.
We work in the same place, so we spend most of the day together, and we even go to our apartment to have lunch. We took vacations together; and go out to have dinner, the movies, sit to watch TV, do the groceries, etc.
Only thing I donât do is spending the night in the apartment. Itâs located like 3 miles away from my motherâs home so, each day, I go to sleep at her house, so I can spend a few hours with her. Sometimes I took her to dinner, sometimes to the movies. But basically thatâs all the time I spend with her; that, and a few weekends. The rest of the time I either go out with my friends, study, work, or spend time with my ex-BF/best friend.
Part of my problem is that I want to live with him. He kinda understands my situation, but nevertheless is resentful that I didnât move in, and I also feel kinda guilty for not being there with him. The other part of my problem is that my mother has been adamant in her position that, if I move in with him, she will cut me off her life. And all my life I saw her cut dear and close people âeven family- like that, and I know that when she says it is for real.
She is not forcing me to stay with her. On a number of occasions, she has said to me that if I want to move out and be happy, thatâs fine. But she wonât be on my life anymore. I know she sounds though, but deep down I know that sheâs hell scared that I move out. She even told me once, when she was very sick in the hospital, that she live in a constant state of fear that I would move out.
I know that I can move out. Cutting off is her decision, not mine. But I know that I would feel terrible guilty of leaving a sick and depressed person alone. I feel like if Iâm pulling the plug on a comatose person, or pushing over the edge a suicidal, especially since there isnât anyone else to take care of her; we have always been just the two of us.
I havenât told her about the apartment, but Iâm sure she âat least- suspects something. For months she has saw me leave with a sport bag full of stuff every morning, and sheâs no idiot. I was planning to spend a few nights there, and others in her house, but I have tentatively bring in the subject and, by this point, know she wonât compromise. With her is either stay or leave. And my ex-BF/best friend is also like that.
So, running out of options, by now I feel trapped and depressed. I look miserably, and she knows that I want to get out of her. She has told me to leave several times, from a nicely âgo and be happyâ to the hurting âyou disgust me every time you go out with HIM; get out of my house! I know this is just a dorm for you!â, but always with the same colophon: âleave me here, Iâm not your problem; Iâll be fine alone. If I die, I dieâ. I just donât know what to think anymore.
Iâve also tried to get her to see someone âanyone- about her depression: her physician, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a priest, a support group⦠but her answer is always the same âthe cause of my depression is that youâre gay. And since no one is going to change th
Answer
Your mother needs to grow up sunshine, tell her this. Explain that we're in 2009 now and that she is acting as if it is in the 1800s. Tell her to find her own way and stop living by other peoples.
Your mother needs to grow up sunshine, tell her this. Explain that we're in 2009 now and that she is acting as if it is in the 1800s. Tell her to find her own way and stop living by other peoples.
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Title Post: What will you do in my situation? Please help me!?
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Rating: 97% based on 9832 ratings. 4,6 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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