How do I stop cutting and hating myself?

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Okay.. I honestly hate myself. My mom was really sick when I was 5, 6, and 7 with cushions disease and she had blood clots in her lungs, so I had to raise my sister for a few years while she was on bed rest. My little sister has recently tried to kill herself multiply ways, and I feel like I failed as a "mom" to her. Everything that happens that's bad, I blame on myself.
All throughout grade school, I was bullied. All of the girls would gang up on me, saying how much they hated me. One girl punched me in the head because i sat down at her lunch table. But for some reason, i didn't hate myself yet.
I fell in love with this boy and lost my virginity to him (I know it sounds soo dumb but at the time it mattered to me) and we were dating for almost 6 months. He broke up with me and a week later he started dating this other girl, and I find outt he broke up with me for her.That'ss when I started feeling insecure about myself.
So like a dumb asss, when I find out they are dating I got really upset and do innapropriate things with this boy (dont worry not sex) to get over the first boy. He says he likes me, does stuff with me, then chooses another girl over me.
By then i seriously hate myself and feel fat and ugly ect.
Meanwhile, my best friend is cutting herself and she cut so deep that she needed stitches and it was a suicide attempt. i knew she had a razor and didnt take it, and if she had died it would have been my fault.She ended up going to fostercare for 6 months cause her mom is abusive and her parents blame their whole family being wrecked on me because i made my friend tell the nurse that she tried to kill herself.
My dad is abusive and hits my sister and I and randomly freaks out over dumb things. If I were a better daughter, he wouldnt do that.
I cut myself, and have been for a while. I have well over 300 and use a razor. everything triggers me, and i cant stop hating myself. Ive tried useing other things to make me not have to think or worry about the stuff in my life, and I know i have a better life then a lot of people but that isnt making me able to stop. I need help, and my therapist isnt really working. PLEASE if you know how to stop please tell me.

Answer
oh You have way to much hatred for yourself and so much on your mind

you have not failed any one at all,you have tried your best and helped put and had to much responsibility put on your shoulders from a very young age that is what has happened
you can't stop anyone hurting themselves,they know what they are doing and its a personal choice,not necessarily a wise choice but still their choice all the same

it is not your fault that your mate attempted suicide, i know the guilt can be crucifying i totally understand that and can empathise with you on that one

its not your fault either that your dad abuses your sister,he has some issues that are going on in his own head that need professional help
you need to find another outlet for your emotions,such as a punch bag writing poetry/art therapy/keeping a journal
talk to someone, a teacher at school and your dr
maybe social services need to be involved with your family for a while and counselling could help you all
counselling is also what you need to help you through your issues and to help you find better wats to deal with your emotions as well

if you ut every day then try cut a couple of days out each week and so on
the ideal will be be is that Your not cutting at all and you are better equipped to deal with your problems
i think maybe at this stage the help of a psychiatrist will be beneficial alongside a therapist that you get on well with

look on www.mind.co.uk
or www.rcpsych.co.uk
there ought to be advice there that you will find helpful

best wishes

anyone had anything embarrassing happen today?

Q. i did :L

firstly my best boy mate walked past and said hey, i was in my own little world and tooks a few seconds to realise this then when i did i turned to say hey back and i slipped down the three steps by the girls toilets....


... then after lunch i was going to my lesson and i was talking to my friend... we were going up the staircase with the gaps between the stairs, i tripped landed on my ass and dropped my shoe about five steps down... there were quite a few people on the staircase. :/ it was soo embarrassing haha

i should never walk and talk at the same time ever again when near stairs.

soo how was your day?

BQ: do you go to school? and where do you live?

Answer
Haha, sorry to hear you've had a very embarrasing day :)

But i think mine was worse!! I was talking to this guy on bus on the way home that i just met and he was really cute and i really liked him, so he gave me his number. Then the bus was coming upto my stop so i started walking down the middle and when i reached the top of the stairs (it was a double decker bus) the bus suddenly stopped and i hit my head on the pole next to the stairs, spun round and fell over and all the things in my bag flew out, including my tampons!! It was so embarrasing!!! I went bright red and just got up and left while he was hysterically laughing. I don't think i'm getting a call from him anytime soon!!

BQ: Yes i go to school and i live in UK.

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