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Rebecca
I am 21 and I still can't tell if someone is flirting with me unless they are upfront about it. I can't tell if someone is hitting on me. If people are upfront about it, then I ignore them and don't know how to let them down gently, I get nervous and they take "no" as a yes.
Answer
Maybe you could start by just chatting lightly with a guy....not asking for a date. You, as the woman, in my old-fashioned, feminine opinion - should not ask for a 'date'. There is a lot of ways to check the guy out and let him know that YOU would say yes if HE asked you to go for coffee/tea/a hamburger/a walk at lunch ....whatever. My point is - Let HIM ask you.
Then - look for small behaviours - don;t assume you are going to see full-blown 'flirting' or 'hitting on''
Does he chat (about the weather, or the class or the office or the dog that just ran past) and glance at you once in a while ? Personally, if a total stranger/new guy makes long intense drilling eye contact right off the bat - I would not want to get to know him outside of a group setting for a while.
When you talk with him and YOU occasionally glance at him ......does he glance back ....in a soft or shy way ? This is a good thing.
Okay there are too many variables here ......let's simplify this ........if he tried to talk with you you can assume he is interested in talking to you some more. So chat back .......
If you feel bullied ....that only his opinion matters ......that he would rather hear himself talk than listen to anything you have to say ......you don;t want 'a date'.
To start a conversation with someone, comment on something that is happening right now - to both of you .....the weather, the office, the lousy coffee, the boring prof, the kindness or unkindness of the manager ......see if he replies. When he replies, does he look at you occasionally ......does he smile when you make a small joke ......Bottom line : would you ENJOY talking more with this person ? If yes, find excuses to talk with him .....if no - then don't.
If they take your 'No' as a "yes" .......state clearly "I have to go now" ........"No thanks I don;t need (whatever he just offered to do (open the door, get a coffee, hold your bag of groceries......"
Look him SQUARE in the eye and say, loud enough, NO thanks !" If he doesn;t quit talking to you - or standing in your way - move physically toward another person and repeat "NO thanks".
They won;t take 'No' as a "yes' if you say NO !" and look square at them and sound like you MEAN it. Good luck. Get a girl friend to practice with you ......get them to keep trying to talk you into something and you practice saying "No" .........Come on have a another drink of water .....No !....come on answer your phone ...it;s ringing ....No ! Come on sit in this chair for me .....No !
Good luck. I hope this helps you.
Maybe you could start by just chatting lightly with a guy....not asking for a date. You, as the woman, in my old-fashioned, feminine opinion - should not ask for a 'date'. There is a lot of ways to check the guy out and let him know that YOU would say yes if HE asked you to go for coffee/tea/a hamburger/a walk at lunch ....whatever. My point is - Let HIM ask you.
Then - look for small behaviours - don;t assume you are going to see full-blown 'flirting' or 'hitting on''
Does he chat (about the weather, or the class or the office or the dog that just ran past) and glance at you once in a while ? Personally, if a total stranger/new guy makes long intense drilling eye contact right off the bat - I would not want to get to know him outside of a group setting for a while.
When you talk with him and YOU occasionally glance at him ......does he glance back ....in a soft or shy way ? This is a good thing.
Okay there are too many variables here ......let's simplify this ........if he tried to talk with you you can assume he is interested in talking to you some more. So chat back .......
If you feel bullied ....that only his opinion matters ......that he would rather hear himself talk than listen to anything you have to say ......you don;t want 'a date'.
To start a conversation with someone, comment on something that is happening right now - to both of you .....the weather, the office, the lousy coffee, the boring prof, the kindness or unkindness of the manager ......see if he replies. When he replies, does he look at you occasionally ......does he smile when you make a small joke ......Bottom line : would you ENJOY talking more with this person ? If yes, find excuses to talk with him .....if no - then don't.
If they take your 'No' as a "yes" .......state clearly "I have to go now" ........"No thanks I don;t need (whatever he just offered to do (open the door, get a coffee, hold your bag of groceries......"
Look him SQUARE in the eye and say, loud enough, NO thanks !" If he doesn;t quit talking to you - or standing in your way - move physically toward another person and repeat "NO thanks".
They won;t take 'No' as a "yes' if you say NO !" and look square at them and sound like you MEAN it. Good luck. Get a girl friend to practice with you ......get them to keep trying to talk you into something and you practice saying "No" .........Come on have a another drink of water .....No !....come on answer your phone ...it;s ringing ....No ! Come on sit in this chair for me .....No !
Good luck. I hope this helps you.
If i want to know 'why was Edie Sedgwick a muse and inspiration to Andy Warhol?, which books would i buy?
See i have to write my extended essay on this topic!
i need help!
Answer
Here is the chapter in the aforementioned book by Warhol that discusses Edie (I left out unnecessary paragraphs due to the word limit):
Taxi [nickname for Edie] was from Charleston, South Carolina--a confused, beautiful debutante who'd split with her family and come to New York. She had a poignantly vacant, vulnerable quality that made her a reflection of everybody's private fantasies. Taxi could be anything you wanted her to be--a little girl, a woman, intelligent, dumb, rich, poor--anything. She was a wonderful, beautiful blank. The mystique to end all mystiques.
She was also a compulsive liar; she just couldn't tell the truth about anything. And what an actress. She could really turn on the tears. She could somehow always make you believe her--that's how she got what she wanted.
Taxi invented the miniskirt. She was trying to prove to her family back in Charleston that she could live on nothing, she would go the Lower East Side and buy the cheapest clothes, which happen to be little girl's skirts, and her waist was so tiny she could get away with it. Fifty cents a skirt. She was the first person to wear ballet tights as complete outfit, with big earrings to dress it up. She was an innovator--out of necessity as well as fun--and the big fashion magazines picked up on her look right away. She was pretty incredible.
We were introduced by a mutual friend who had just made a fortune promoting a new concept in kitchen appliances on television quiz shows. After one look at Taxi I could see that she had more problems than anybody I'd ever met. So beautiful but so sick. I was really intrigued.
She was living off the end of her money. She still had a nice Sutton Place apartment, and now and then she would talk a rich friend into giving her a wad. As I said, she could turn on the tears and get anything she wanted.
In the beginning I had no idea how many drugs Taxi took, but as we saw more and more of each other it began to dawn on me how much of a problem she had.
Next in importance for her, after taking the drugs, was having the drugs. Hoarding them. She would hop in a limousine and make a run to Philly crying the whole way that she had no amphetamines. And somehow she would always get them because there was just something about Taxi. Then she would add it to the pound she had stashed away in the bottom of her footlocker.
Taxi would spend most of the day at lunch uptown at Reuben's ordering their Celebrity Sandwiches--the Anna Maria Alberghetti, the Arthur Godfrey, the Morton Downey were her favorites--and she would keep running into the ladies room and sticking her finger down her throat and throwing each one up. She was obsessed with not getting fat. She'd eat and eat on a spree and then throw up and throw up, and then take four downers and pop off for four days at a time. Meanwhile her "friends" would come in to "rearrange" her pocketbook while she was sleeping. When she'd wake up four days later she'd deny that she'd been asleep.
At first I thought Taxi only hoarded drugs. I knew that hoarding is a kind of selfishness, but I thought it was only with the drugs that she was that way. I'd see her beg people for enough for a poke and then go and file it in the bottom of her footlocker in its own little envelope with a date on it. But I finally realized that Taxi was selfish about absolutely everything.
Taxi hoarded brassieres. She kept around fifty brassieres--in graduated shades of beige, through pale pink and deep rose to coral and white--in her trunk. They all had the price tags on them. She would never remove a price tag, not even from the clothes she wore. One day a friend was short on cash and Taxi owed her money. So she decided to take a brassiere that still had the Bendel's tags on it back to the store and get a refund. When taxi wasn't look she stuffed it into her bag and went uptown. She went to the lingerie department and explained that she was returning the bra for a friend--it was obvious that this girl was far from an A-cup. The saleslady disappeared for ten minutes and then came back holding the bra and some kind of log book and said, "Madame. This bra was purchased in 1956." Taxi was a hoarder.
Taxi had an incredible amount of makeup in her bag and in her footlocker: fifty pairs of lashes arranged according to size, fifty mascara wands, twenty mascara cakes, every shade of Revlon shadow ever made--iridescent and regular, matte and shiny--twenty Max Factor blush-ons...She'd spend hours with her makeup bags Scotch-taping little labels on everything, dusting and shining the bottles and compacts. Everything had to look perfect.
To answer your question, I think reading online articles about Andy was well as Edie would give you the best idea of why she was so valued by him. In brief, Andy was attracted to wealth, prestige, beauty, glamour, wildness, self-destructive types, strong personalities (particularly extroverts), and controversy. Edie represented all of these in some form or another. Edie was fascinating to many people and Andy really had an eye for those types; he seemed to want to study their appeal and understand what made them this way. He had a real talent for it.
Here is the chapter in the aforementioned book by Warhol that discusses Edie (I left out unnecessary paragraphs due to the word limit):
Taxi [nickname for Edie] was from Charleston, South Carolina--a confused, beautiful debutante who'd split with her family and come to New York. She had a poignantly vacant, vulnerable quality that made her a reflection of everybody's private fantasies. Taxi could be anything you wanted her to be--a little girl, a woman, intelligent, dumb, rich, poor--anything. She was a wonderful, beautiful blank. The mystique to end all mystiques.
She was also a compulsive liar; she just couldn't tell the truth about anything. And what an actress. She could really turn on the tears. She could somehow always make you believe her--that's how she got what she wanted.
Taxi invented the miniskirt. She was trying to prove to her family back in Charleston that she could live on nothing, she would go the Lower East Side and buy the cheapest clothes, which happen to be little girl's skirts, and her waist was so tiny she could get away with it. Fifty cents a skirt. She was the first person to wear ballet tights as complete outfit, with big earrings to dress it up. She was an innovator--out of necessity as well as fun--and the big fashion magazines picked up on her look right away. She was pretty incredible.
We were introduced by a mutual friend who had just made a fortune promoting a new concept in kitchen appliances on television quiz shows. After one look at Taxi I could see that she had more problems than anybody I'd ever met. So beautiful but so sick. I was really intrigued.
She was living off the end of her money. She still had a nice Sutton Place apartment, and now and then she would talk a rich friend into giving her a wad. As I said, she could turn on the tears and get anything she wanted.
In the beginning I had no idea how many drugs Taxi took, but as we saw more and more of each other it began to dawn on me how much of a problem she had.
Next in importance for her, after taking the drugs, was having the drugs. Hoarding them. She would hop in a limousine and make a run to Philly crying the whole way that she had no amphetamines. And somehow she would always get them because there was just something about Taxi. Then she would add it to the pound she had stashed away in the bottom of her footlocker.
Taxi would spend most of the day at lunch uptown at Reuben's ordering their Celebrity Sandwiches--the Anna Maria Alberghetti, the Arthur Godfrey, the Morton Downey were her favorites--and she would keep running into the ladies room and sticking her finger down her throat and throwing each one up. She was obsessed with not getting fat. She'd eat and eat on a spree and then throw up and throw up, and then take four downers and pop off for four days at a time. Meanwhile her "friends" would come in to "rearrange" her pocketbook while she was sleeping. When she'd wake up four days later she'd deny that she'd been asleep.
At first I thought Taxi only hoarded drugs. I knew that hoarding is a kind of selfishness, but I thought it was only with the drugs that she was that way. I'd see her beg people for enough for a poke and then go and file it in the bottom of her footlocker in its own little envelope with a date on it. But I finally realized that Taxi was selfish about absolutely everything.
Taxi hoarded brassieres. She kept around fifty brassieres--in graduated shades of beige, through pale pink and deep rose to coral and white--in her trunk. They all had the price tags on them. She would never remove a price tag, not even from the clothes she wore. One day a friend was short on cash and Taxi owed her money. So she decided to take a brassiere that still had the Bendel's tags on it back to the store and get a refund. When taxi wasn't look she stuffed it into her bag and went uptown. She went to the lingerie department and explained that she was returning the bra for a friend--it was obvious that this girl was far from an A-cup. The saleslady disappeared for ten minutes and then came back holding the bra and some kind of log book and said, "Madame. This bra was purchased in 1956." Taxi was a hoarder.
Taxi had an incredible amount of makeup in her bag and in her footlocker: fifty pairs of lashes arranged according to size, fifty mascara wands, twenty mascara cakes, every shade of Revlon shadow ever made--iridescent and regular, matte and shiny--twenty Max Factor blush-ons...She'd spend hours with her makeup bags Scotch-taping little labels on everything, dusting and shining the bottles and compacts. Everything had to look perfect.
To answer your question, I think reading online articles about Andy was well as Edie would give you the best idea of why she was so valued by him. In brief, Andy was attracted to wealth, prestige, beauty, glamour, wildness, self-destructive types, strong personalities (particularly extroverts), and controversy. Edie represented all of these in some form or another. Edie was fascinating to many people and Andy really had an eye for those types; he seemed to want to study their appeal and understand what made them this way. He had a real talent for it.
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Title Post: I am afraid to approach peoplefor a date, and I don't know how to tell if someone is hitting on me?
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Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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